The road to my own dreams has been a very long and rocky one but I have always embraced it with a smile on my face. Why? Because the Lord is my rock, my fortress and my savior in whom I take refuge. At the beginning of this year, I asked God for one thing...".Heal me and open the eyes of my understanding to be there for my children when they need me."
The Lord finally answered my prayers in September of this year by giving me "A Clean Bill of Health" after three years of pain, frustration and struggle but opened the eyes of my understanding to a bigger battle. Yesterday, October 9th was my birthday and I had plans to celebrate in style by thanking God and just sing His praises with family and friends but reality struck. I spent the entire day in Fear, Confusion and Frustration.
FEAR because it is hard to trust anyone even when that is all you've got.
Confusion because my son won the election to be class president of his graduating class and my family never had a chance to celebrate his victory and
FRUSTRATION because I never expected to celebrate my birthday under these circumstances.
I wish to thank all those who sent me special messages through social media, phone calls as well as text messages and also apologize for not getting back to you. I was too hurt to communicate with anyone. So I decided to let go of this anger and frustration by heading to the gym. For an hour, I wept and prayed relentlessly and the tears merged with the sweat giving me the best birthday gift "Tears of Sweat". I had to get my self ready for today October 10th to do a Peaceful March for Change on behalf of my son and every other child that is going or will go to Lowell High School.
It was a tough decision but so many people can only imagine my pain as a mother but will never understand what I have been going through. As I was talking to myself, one Hispanic lady asked me if I was okay because she has never seen someone that soaked after exercising. I smiled and said "What do you think"? She asked if she could give me a hug then whispered in my ears saying "I feel your pain, I saw your son on TV, My family is praying for you and we will be there tomorrow." I guess that was the only birthday gift I needed and it changed everything for me. I said "Thank you" and asked the Lord to use me for there is no turning back at this point.
I have learnt in life through my own experiences never to rely on others to fight your battles. Why do I say so? There are times we find ourselves in very difficult situations and we think the people we call family, best friends or groups in which we belong to, will be there for us all the way until it happens and reality hits. As an African, I think we expect too much and rush to conclusion very fast when things turn out the other way. If you are one of those whose expectations are really high, well I got news for you. Be prepared to fight your battles alone and those who matter will be there for you and not necessarily those you expected.
Today October 10, 2015 is historic to me because my family is doing something we belief in. Today also happens to be the birthday of my hero, my confidante, my brother of blessed memory "Lou".
I stand tall because I refuse to listen to "haters".
I stand tall because I refuse to listen to the advice of "friends and family" who asked me to stop the Peaceful March because it could be dangerous for my family.
I stand tall because I belief my children deserve better and should be let by someone who knows better.
I refuse to let FEAR control me but hold tight onto the principles of Psalm 117:6. "The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
Today October 10, 2015, I walk with pride as a mother who has faced racism, lived racism yet, is still standing tall because she knows who she is and most importantly whose she is.
Today, I walk for my children because they never choose to be black.
Today, I walk for all the parents who are facing this ordeal every single day but FEAR will not let them open their mouth.
Today, I walk for the children of Lowell High School to know that it is okay to run for president without being afraid of being threatened.
Today, I walk for all our children and our children's children who are and will be attending Lowell High School to know they also have a voice.
Today, I walk because the system at Lowell High School is broken somewhere. It needs to be fixed in order to accommodate generations to come be it from Bottom-Top or Top-Bottom.
Today, I walk because it hits home and until you know how a mother sleeps without sleeping because she is scared for her children's life, then you will not think twice but walk with me.
Today, I walk because I love Lowell, I pay my taxes, I have blood running through my veins like everybody else and deserves to be respected for who I am no matter the color of my skin.
If there is anything I will like you to take from this write up, it should be this;
- Never Say Never! Whenever you have a plan, don't be surprise if God shows up with a complicated but better one. Why do I say so? I never intended to spend my birthday in Pain, Frustration and Fear but ended up at the gym crying like a lost soul for answers and surprisingly enough I got the answer.
- People will always be people and their responses to your battle or struggle will shock you. So always be prepared to fight your battles alone because it is always in difficult times that you know who your family, true friends or observers are. Choose wisely.
- If you are a parent and most importantly a mother, go for what you belief in to protect your child no matter what others say. The devil is a liar and will use vessels through family members to get to you so PRAY HARD and go hard on what you firmly belief.
I will like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to all those who supported my family throughout this ordeal be it through constant phone calls, visiting us as well as planning for the Peaceful March. My prayers was for us to have a peaceful March and I am proud to say we did. That actually turned out to be the best birthday gift to me. I will like to end by reminding you to live large, choose courageously and of course love without limits for you never know. Now listen to what Anye had to say as president of Lowell High School.
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